Wieners ga Daisuki
by The Great Vooder-sama
Summary: The spooky beiggning to a terrifying tale of tragic, sorrow, happiness, preserverence, victory, and defeat. da pic of kyubey is messed up :/ sorry guys
1. Wieners ga Daisuki

**Wieners ga Daisuki**

This one time my friend and I were at his lakehouse with some other friends. We had a fun evening playing video games and watching anime and browsing . It was a good time. But then we decided to go to bed around 10:25 pm. So we went to our rooms and I was on the bottom floor in the room with my friend Ronnie. Above us on the 2nd story were Cliffton and Henry while the other guy Mickey just slept on the couch in the porch outside. I had known Ronnie since Grade 7 Elementary school so we were pretty close friends. I prepared myself to go to sleep so I grabbed my Kyubey doll and got into bed. I was about to fall asleep when a noise was dragging me from my peaceful slumber. My grip on the Kyubey doll tightened and I began to look around. But it was dark and I couldn't see good. The noise got louder and louder and then I realized where it was coming from. The bed next to mine. Ronnie erupted from underneath his covers, flailing about wildly.

"Wait Ronnie no the demon must be possessing you please halt" I contemplate as earlier in the day we had drawn some symbol things that were supposed to summon powerful demons from Heck and also Cliffton said his house was haunted.

But Ronnie wouldn't listen. Ice cream in hand from the chunky rocky road chocolate ice cream he had gotten from the freezer before he came downstairs and decided to share the bedroom with me (which had two twin beds! Don't want you to think we were sleeping in the same bed together), he plowed me over and over and over again despite my pleas in protest to stop. The demonic Ronnie was not satisfied yet though, as he tore off the head of my Kyubey doll and slurped down it's inner stuffing. This made me mad but I couldn't fight Ronnie in his current State as he was to powerful. Ronnie ran from room to room, plowing as he went, all of us powerless to face the Greater Demon that possessed him. I escaped outside to the woods with my ruined Kyubey doll, my face still fresh from the tears I wept at my Kyubey's death. But I refused to be deteared. I continued to room through the woods looking for any help. But then a growl shattered the piercing peaceful calm of the night in the woods. My pace doubled with greater speed. But the growling was not ceasing. In fact, it was growing more loud and echoed through the woods. I realize to late that the growling source was in fact my Kyubey doll, Ronnie had infected it!

"No! Kyubey! Not you too! You must fight it!" screech the words from my mouth as I drop the Kyubey doll in the lake by the woods in attempt to defeat the demon within. But then there is a reaction from the water and it soaks up all the water and grows triple in size. I now face a 37 foot monstrousity that used to be my very best plushie and prized possession. By this time though my friends Cliffton and Henry had escaped into the woods and found me too. So there we were, the three of us versus the greatest threat we had ever faced. Yet before the battle could begin, Ronnie comes charging in and attacks the monster Kyubey doll. The two do great battle and exchange many vicious blows as the three of us friends stand by in the woods in awe and shaking in out boots. But eventually the battle winds down, and Ronnie's demon proves to be the more ferocious of a beast.

However he is very wounded and begins to approach me and Cliffton and Henry as we sit in the woods. Luckily the clock then strokes Midnight, the hour of ending the Demon's time on earth and saving our lives. We sigh with relief and plop down by each other in our spot in the woods beside the lake. It had been a long night so we excited the woods back to my friends lakehouse and went to bed because we were tired. That night, I had nightmares. I was lucid dreaming because I had mastered it in the years past to help get over my fear of Clowns but it was still scary because demon Ronnie, Kyubey, and Pico were in it and chasing after me as I ran through the woods. I woke up and cried and reached to snuggle with my Kyubey doll but then remembered it's fate and cried some more.

We don't go to his lakehouse anymore. Rumor has it that he sold it and the other people who moved in were never seen from again. They say that on dark nights on the lake you can still hear the growling. And if you go out on the water... Well. I hope your boat can outrun a 37 foot Kyubey, or else you will face a fate worse than that any of mankind has ever experienced in it's history before. And as for the woods around his house and the lake, well, you don't even wanna know what happens there.


	2. Wieners ga Daisuki: Return of Kyubey

**Wieners ga Daisuki: Return of Kyubey**

So my friends and I decided to go camping up near the mountains one time. I had never done camping before and was a little upset that I had to go several nights without being able to browse or watch anime especially since it was the middle of the season that Angel Beats was being released and Angel Beats is like probably in my top 5 favorite anime of all time ever but Cliffton said it was fun and Henry was a camping master.

The place we camped was in the woods a few miles away from the road and by the creek, so it would take a long time to reach the truck again. Our arrival was on Tuesday morning. Mickey and Ronnie pitched tents while big Cliffton, Henry, and myself went to the creek and fished. Then we started to notice something strange. Bits of stuffed animal stuffing floated started to float down the creek. And it wasn't like a little bit of stuffing, it was a lot. Way too much for it to have come from a single plushie, and I know my plushies because I have at least 50 back in my room and had my Hamtaro plushie on hand for good luck and because I can't sleep without one due to my fear of Clowns and often having nightmares of them even though I have mastered lucid dreaming to get over this fear the Clowns sometimes appear with Pico and I need some support in my dream so my Hamtaro or other plushie will appear in my dream to do combat with them and protect me long enough to fly away and escape in peace. But anyways, the plushie stuffing kept coming along the creek so I shielded Hamtaro's eyes because it was probably scaring him.

We were not catching any fish which made me sad but then Mickey and Ronnie appeared and said they helped each other with pitching their tents. They were sweaty and out of breath after doing it so I got a tennis ball and through it into the creek and Mickey ran after it and picked it up and brought it back to me. We did this and fished but didn't catch nothing still which was depressing but luckily Henry brought KFC with him because he said that he never goes anywhere without a stockpile of KFC and he was nice enough to give up some kentucky fried chicken wings and they were yummy and afterwards we gave Mickey the bone of a chicken leg because Henry doesn't like Mickey so he wouldn't share his KFC with him. The chicken wing I had was nice and moistly crusty.

After that the sun decided it was time for it to go to sleep but we didn't want to yet because we are brave so we decided to make a campfire and tell stories. I helped gather firewood by the creek with Mickey, who would help because I would throw a stick and he would run and get it and bring it back to me but anyways we were getting sticks and also Cliffton was there.

"The air around us in these woods feel stranger than they did the last time I came here with Henry and went camping by the creek" Cliffton exclaimed to us. I was pondering this when all of a sudden a growling cut short my plane of thought. Mickey began to whimper and Cliffton got really scared and waved his stick around but the growl sounded familiar to me, it was like I had heard that growl somewhere and some time before in my past. It was odd. But it stopped so we decided to belief that it was a wolf or something, because wolves are the most noble and coolest creatures on this planet Earth. Seriously, if I ever get to be reincarnated or anything I hope to be made in to a wolf and wonder the beautiful winter landscape and hunt with my loyal pack and live and die by the code of the wolf and howl at many a full moons.

So we got back to the camp and Henry and Ronnie were chilling in a tent together so we told them to get out of it and help build the fire so they did and we made the fire. When the flap of the tent opened we saw that the blanket was moist and crusty and asked them if they spilled some over their kentucky fried chicken in it and they said "yes". Ronnie then proclaimed to the group "I brought some pickled wieners if you, my friends, would enjoy roasting them upon this open fire with me?" And I was pretty hungry because it had been a couple of hours since the KFC and my mother had no suffieciently supplied my fanny pack so I took Ronnie up on the proposal. The fire was big and warm and it felt nice as I held the wiener but then I realized that some strange juicy liquid was dripping off the wiener. Drip. Drip. Drip. The liquid splattered onto the fire creating sizzling hisses that moaned into the quiet and peaceful still night. Ronnie looked over and stared with his brown eyes like chocolate chips into my eyes as blue as blueberries.

"ClannadT-T, have you realized yet that the wiener you are roasting is mine?" Ronnie blandly claimed. My blueberry eyes stared down and then in my horror I realized that my fork had impaled his wiener. And by his wiener I mean his penis. I then felt a piercing pain below my waste, and looked down in startlement to discover he had also pierced my wiener as in my penis too. I screamed and started to run away, pulling out both forks one made a crunching noise and the other a slurping noise that made me no longer feeling the hunger I felt earlier. Ronnie apologized and said he thought that I had understand what he was talking about and I had my Hamtaro plushie at the moment and it made me feel better and I knew that Ronnie was trying to be nice and helpful and apologetic because of the lake incident 10 years ago so I said "OK."

After the fire died down we looked at our cloaks and they told us it was 10:13 pm and I was tired so where the others so we got in our tents and decided to go to sleep. After the lake incident I refused to sleep with Ronnie so he was with Cliffton instead and Henry was in my tent. There wasn't enough room for Mickey so we told him "You will sleep outside" and he did and said "OK i actually kinda like sleeping outside anyways" so it was all right. It was kind of annoying because Ronnie or Cliffton kept like shifting over trying to go to sleep or something and they were making a lot of noise for a while so I couldn't go to sleep but eventually they stopped and I hugged Hamtaro close and started to enter the world of the dreams. But suddenly I was pulled out of it by a loud growl. Mickey yipped suddenly and then we heard the noise of him scurrying off. Ronnie ejaculated out of the tent and demanded what was going on. He was answered by a 37 foot stuffed Kyubey doll looming over us casting a shadow over us because there was a full moon and it was bright that night.

"Oh my God... it's returned!" cried Ronnie whilst pointed at the monster Kyubey plushie. I gawked up at it with Henry next to me and I cuddled closely with my Hamtaro doll. Cliffton looked like he was about to cry but it was odd cause his face was moist like he had been crying by they were drying so they were now crusty. The Kyubey doll descended upon Ronnie and picked him up. "NO, NOT ME i'M SORRY ABOUT THE PLOWI-" Ronnie said as the Kyubey plushie interupted him by ripping him in half, showering us with his blood and guts and stuff. Cliffton, Henry, and myself all ran away, the 37 foot Kyubey doll in warm pursuit. We eventually reached the creek and I can't swim so I freaked out because I was cornered. Cliffton and Henry can't either so we huddled together but then I remembered my Hamtaro doll. "Hamtaro old friend its up to you. I believe!" I thought as I threw Hamtaro into the creek. Using the demonic energy that the Kyubey doll was giving off, Hamtaro grew 3.14 times in size and reached 35 feet tall. The two plushies then did battle, equally matched. But, Henry, Cliffton, and me were all cheering for Hamtaro and our support gave him the support he needed to emerge victorious. Hamtaro delievered a big punch that knocked Kyubey's head off, killling the plushie instantly. Unfortunately, Hamtaro had also taken much damage and was wounded greatly. A single tear rolled down his eye and he saluted me before collapsing back into the stream, sending stuffing everywhere and dissolving into nothing. I cried really hard because I no longer had Hamtaro or Kyubey and they were my favorites and also I didn't have a plushie to protect me in my dreams that night so it was going to be scary.

We returned to our tents and went to sleep. For some reasons I did not have any nightmares that night so I woke up happy and we then decided to go home because we were afraid of any more monsters coming to get us during the night so we got back to the car and got home. I realized that I had pooped my pants during the Kyubey encounter so the car smelled like poop the entire ride home and Henry and Cliffton called me a freak so I had to bottle in my tears til I got home to my collection of plushies.

However, they say that others have tried to go camping in that place since. And that those campers never returned. They say that they heard screams, and the growling of a giant monster. On full moons you can see Ronnie, screaming in the air during his final breaths. So think twice before the next time you go camping by the creek, or else you could meet a similar fate.


	3. Wieners ga Daisuki: Operation Sugoi ! !

**Wieners ga Daisuki: Operation Sugoi ! ! !**

Once me and some friends concluded that it was necessity for us to liberiate the NIrish because they are our heritage. That is mainly because my blood is of Irish and feel as if that the English had been bad to my people in the past after stunnginly watching the preformance of Mel Gibson's Braveheart. It was quiet the sad film and my tears ended up filling up an entire whole bucket but luckily I had my Kyubey plushie with me at the time (but he has since perished twice unfortunately. I cried buckets again that first time but then the second time he was more evil and ended up sleying my Hamtaro plushie so my buckets where dedicated to my Hamtaro instead that time) and he was able to comfort me and prevent my lucid dreamings to turn into nightmares later on that night so luckily their were no clowns.

So we got in a plane and flew across the sea to NIreland to begin our mission. It was a really long ride and really borign plus Ronnie wouldn't stop putting his hands into his pants and then going to the bathroom for some reason which was really annoying because he picked the window seat and I was in the aisle so he kept scooting past me and Mickey was behind me and keep kicking my chair and panting. But I had my Clifford the Big Red Dog plushie (but he was purple because my baka mom washed him with some of my blue sheets but purple is in my top 7 colours so its ok) there to comfort and council me so there was no need for my bucket.

The food on the air plane was raelly bad too so I tapped one of the air plane ladys as she was walking passed me and explained to her "what is the deal about air plane food huh?" and she looked at me really confused and then turned away but then I heard her giggling to the person in front of me a couple of seconds later so I guess it just took her a minute to get my funny joke. So that made me pretty happy but then Ronnie came back and he was a bit out of breathe and had been in the laboratory for like an hour and he bumped onto my legs as he walked past me. It was also night time outside. But eventually the plane returned to the Earth so we got off and then were off going onto our adventure in the NIreland countryside.

So there we were, off into the wildy of the Nirish homeland in search of more support from the common people of the land to aid us in our quest. Cliffton had been must upset that we were visiting NIreland because it wasn't Japan so he decided "Well since you baka gaijins do not have enough honour to the glorious Nippon with a visit then I deserve to name the operation and I say we name it Operation Sugoi" was what he was telling us as we enjoyed our stroll through the lush green and rocky fields. The moon growled spookily at us from way up above in the sky. Henry is really fat so he doesn't have the stamina that we do (this is most eveident when we play cool games like Settlers of Catan and he has not finished one game with us to this day) so he questioned us "Guys we need to stop I'm really tired and hungry and feel like I am about to throw up."

"Hmmm," nodded Ronnie, nodding as he spoke, "yes my friends, I would say that our friend Henry has brought up a pretty good point here. Maybe we should stop and rest and draw up a formation for what to do next in this operation." So we did. Henry produced a large bucket of Captain D's fileted fried fish that he had smuggled with him through the air port and began munching on his snack. Mickey began to whimper so he through a large fish breast at him which smacked Mickey in the nose, making a loud slurping sound as it slide down his face. Mickey began licking it and then devorred the fish even though it had landed into the grass below us. Haughty and annoyed, Cliffton turned his face away as he cried, "You stupid bakas WOULD bring shitty Yankee-kun food with you but luckily I brought my own packets of pockey with me. Y-you bakas can have s-s-some, b-but i-it's not like I like you… o-or anything…"

I squeezed my Clifford plushie close to my body because I felt a chilly wind that was abnormal and oozed spookiness in it's core. Howling and bone-freezing, the wind reminded me of a time when I had been in the mountains and felt a wind of similar quality. The others noticed it too it would seem when Mickey whimpered, "Uuuggggggguuuuuuuuuuu~~~". Ronnie shifted his eyes around despritely and seemed to be afraid but he bravely decided to go behind one of the rocks so that he could use the bathroom. Despite my fear and insecurities, I opened my fannypack and produced a bag of crusty banana pudding which my mom had packed for me before we left for our adventure as well as my CD player. I began scooping out the delicious, moist pudding with my hand and glubbing it down my throat. My CD player began playing my all time favourite song "Crawling by Linkin Park". So we were just there chilling and resting up for are long journey ahead when when it happened.

A loud roar eminated from deep within the Earths crust. It became very noticeable that a stream of bursting yellow liquid had trickled down Mickey's leg as his whimpers turned into cries "Ug-Uguuu~". With great suddeness, the Earth caved in approximately 57 yards from the very spot we had set up our camp spot (if one could consider such a ground camp-worthy). It was actually write next to wear Ronnie had relocated to relieve his bowels, and he came flying out from behind his rock, white, weaselly, woody wiener waving wildly without worry while witnesses wryly watched. Behind him they're was something of such great horror that my eyes will never forget the sights they were witnessing.

It was an army of skeletons. Booing in the wind, there were also ghosts flying around them.

Mistorunately for Ronnie, his clumsy waddling caused him to collapse fact first into the dirt. I checked my watch and it said it was 3:17pm which greatly confused me but then it came to realization that we were currently located in NIreland which would explain why it was night outside. But Ronnie wasn't so lucky. The ghosts were upon him in seconds. However, ghosts are not physically of this plain so there for they could not do harm upon his skin, but the philosophical damage they were doing was obvious. Foam erupted from his mouth as his body lifted up into the air. "No not this time too I was doing so good at not plowi-" his phrase was sliced in half as the ghosts poured into his wieners, causing him to erupt in a fountain of blood. If it weren't for my Clifford the Big Purple Dog there to hold and calm me then I certainly would've filled up an entire bucket. And not just of tears from fear but also of pee fear.

The skeleton army then decented on us as well. Cliffton began to tremble, "Y-y-you k-k-k-killed h-him, p-p-poor R-r-r-r-ronnie-tan d-d-didn't e-even h-h-h-have a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a ch-chance. Itadakimasuuuuuuuuuguu~" but it was with rage and he charged valently into the hoard of monsters. "I will not be defeated!" barked Mickey as he followed Cliffton into battle. "Run like the wind. And by that I mean the kind of wind that goes very fast in one direction, but then most suddenly will changes directions oddly to avoid obstacles, whilst taking care not to let itself be caught by its enemies" contorted Henry as he crawled after the two, fingering his fried filet fish, preparing to throw them at any and every foe that crossed into his path. And so it was just me left. Well, me and my Clifford the Big Purple Dog plushie. This was by far the spookiest event that had ever yet to unfold in my young life. It was even worse than my worst nightmares, which include the clowns and giant plushies and monsters. Rain began to fall from the black and dark sky above me. With Clifford giving me my encouraging, I fumed "It's about to get soggy" and charged the fields of what would go down into the anals of History as the Battle of Belfast.

But there were too many skeletons and ghost. With wreckless abandon, I swung Clifford at the boney white constructions of bone and my attacks shattered bones but I quickly tired and bursts into tears as stuffing began to rip it's way thru the skull of Clifford. There was no bucket to catch these tears, they crashed around me. Henry had deceminated many skeleton corpses but alas his ammunition of fish had decayed to the point of nonexistence, and he seemed doomed. Mickey had his tail between his legs and attempted to flee but was quickly surrounded, "oh no" he said. Cliffton to was being defeated, "Ugh, I guess it can't be helped. I guess even in the end… I'm the worst…" were the last words he said before falling to one knee. It was the most hopeless situation I had ever been in, and having my faithful friend Clifford the Big Purple Dog leaking stuffing and dying by the second was not helping.

"I, I wish Ronnie were here" Henry proclimated. "I wish I was chewing on a bone" Mickey ejaculated before being punched in the face by a skeleton, "rrrrrrrrrrr" escaped his lips as he feel to the ground. "I just wish I could hold my waifu and tell her I lurve her one last time" Cliffton began sadly, looking up to the raining night sky as raindrops that resembled the tears falling from all of our eyes fell from the sky. "I wish something would come save us from this massive skeleton army" was all I could say.

But as soon as these words left my mouth a loud bolt of lightning roared from the darkness. From the sea something began to rise. It did not take me long to realize the face of what had risen.

It was my Kyubey plushie, once again risen again from the dead for the 3rd time now. But this time he wasn't 37 feet tall. He was as tall as Mount Everest. Kyubey looked at us, "I shall fufill your wishes". And so he did.

Suddenly Ronnie's body rose from the dirt of the NIrish soil. But his flesh was kinda greenish like he was a zombie or something. Suddenly he leviatated and flew through the air towards Mickey, wiener impaling Mickey's mouth. Mickey gurgled and spun in circles, the Ronickey helicopter sweeping aside all skeletons in it's path. Suddenly something else arose from the dirt next to Cliffton as well. It was a pillow of Pico. Cliffton resurged with energy "I will never forgive you, baka skeletonchans! Eat this!" and hugging his Pico pillow tight to his body to keep his warmth, plowed through tender skeletons whole. Suddenly my Clifford the Big Purple Dog began to withdraw it's stuffing and grow in size. It was now a massive 31 feet high and I mounted Clifford. After that, well you could say the struggle wasn't much of a struggle with our new tools of destruction. Within a matter of 3 hours and 14 minutes the entire unit of skeletons and ghosts had been oblivionated. We the victors stood on the field of battle victorious as sun-tan orangified the land around us while it was rising up into the sky to replace moon-kun.

But then I remembered that what we had done was actually horrible. "Wait you guys I had forgotten that by making wishes with Kyubey then we have created a contract with him and now we must become magical boys," was expelled from my mouth very quickly. "Yes that is true, now that the contract is done you will become magical boys and help me defeat the evil plushies and other monsters that haunt this world" unveiled blandly Kyubey, since he is not of this world and thus cannot feel emotions or anything like that. "N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-no. D-don't j-jo-joke w-wa-w-with m-m-m-n-me! D-damn i-t-t-t-t-tt a-a-all tooooooooooo he-heck!" Cliffton proclaimed as he held Pico so tightly it was if he were going to absorb the pillow into his body. There was only one thing I could get off of my lips as the blackness closed in on us and I could no longer see what was around me because it was too dark as the transformation began and that thing was "Suffer-suru."


End file.
